I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
