I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
