Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
MIDGETS
????
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
