I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
