i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
