This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
