I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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