i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
