His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
