I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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