it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize