I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
