His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
