I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
