i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
