I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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