No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
