Please, let me fuck your mom
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
