An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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