Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
