the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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