Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
