This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize