someone threw a dead crab at me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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