I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
