The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
