She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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