its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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