just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
