Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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