Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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