Pappa wants mamma naked
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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