Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize