i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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