Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize