Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
