I seem to have left my pride at pride
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
