sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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