Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Porn is love you can see.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
