in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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