the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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