they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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