singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
