i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
