You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
