Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
