Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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