Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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