member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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