she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
