fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
