Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
how drunk are you?
Several
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
