I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize