You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
