Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
