shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
