Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
