when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
