I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
