don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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