it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
