so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
