So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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