He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
this hospital has no fireball
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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