Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
