Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
