3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
