tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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