so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
