ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
