Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
