If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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