Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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