I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
